Saturday, March 27, 2010
sometimes when i think of the times i spent or the stuff i said or the stuff i did.. i feel that i have done soo wrong..
even though i really dont think my maturity has changed.
its not exactly being immature i would like to choose to feel this way.
but more of like.. hmm.. why in the world was i behaving like that. and why the world was i so high, so upset, so rude, so overly-enthu.
i was walking around (to the toilet to be exact haha), suddenly this memory/scene popped into my head.
it was this trip or outing i had with several nus pple whom i dont know at all and we just met becuz we were in tokyo doing exchange and not even the same uni.
but like we were let's go to odaiba(this reallly nice place by the tokyobay) together and just play ard the area kinda thing.
then i rmbed i was late (not very ok. like 15 mins so still pass. not my fault i couldnt find the train station at the interchange k. i was walking in circles>.< ready to cry ahah)
then i think superficial mean girl me came bursting out of my skin.
(but i really dont do these things on girls only the males), cuz it was like 2 guys and 2 girls, i knew one guy from this nus meeting dinner 2 weeks ago so it was fine but the other one was kinda neeerrddy. ok. i am too. but hello. he is the distinction kind a bit ah pek)
i think i was crazy because i was damn bad to him the whole day like how i would treat jeslyn normally - but u know jes is 自己人 so it was fine, but i bloody meeting this person for the first time. and i was like huh hee hu heh hor to watever he said. <-do u get it? haha maybe i dont too.
one was like he wanted to enter this "amusement park" thingie which was too ex (at that time of my mind) like 1500 or 2000 yen i think. like 3 hours or 2 hrs before it closed.
the amusement park is at the top floor of a shopping place- sonic the hedgehog themed.
he was like huh.. we hardly come out eh n here is so far. if now dontplay when.
and then i said (but i rmb the other 2 as well) why dont u go in and see by urself, we will wait outside for u. <- at this time the sky was already dark ok.
i dont think our tone was mean or watso ever, just maybe a lil tired we walked too much.
just that i cant get his disappointed face out of my mind.
i mean i really didnt go like "Aiya. dont go in la. very late already u know. " i remembered keeping mum and looking in to the brochure carefully for him to see f there were any twilight discount tickets.
but i still said that line "u go in urself los. we wait for u outside its ok one." shit.
and there goes.
but then yea it ended such that he didnt go in. but i think they didnt enjoy much time with me cuz i behave like a spoilt brat sometimes i think. or like some weird person. (<-pls dont tell me that even though i know cuz i will really be heartbroken. T.T)
and they never contacted me again
haha. so sad.
there are so many of these moments that come as a quick flashback to me and i so feel like digging a hole and stuffing my head in it. gahh.
its freakin embarassing. cant imagine what they were thinking when i say all these things.
so my dear frens especially my close most-suseptible friends please do not take watever i say into heart when i seem like i am blabbing away. cuz those times u know, my tongue just shoots off. but of course please offer me a listening ear as well cuz sometimes i am just showing my true feelings and opinions and not trying to please everyone.
i know i should change my habit of saying: sorry, ごめなさい， 对不起.
but u know i cant help it because i dont want to have times where i ahve flashback and want to kill myself for not apologising when i needed to.
when i say sorry i really mean it, even though i say it so often, it doesnt devalue my sorry ok.
just like how how available diamonds may be (with $$ ofcuz), it still cost alot + quality matters.
my apologies always has my meaning to it.
i dont say sorry to pple i dont like or feel dont deserve it.
so ya just accept my apologies and keep it. and remember to remember that i apologized to u before, despite the things that i might have done (that time , this time, whatever time) out of straightforwardness and u have a flashback of the moment. >.<
japan again. forever. i need to stop talking abt japan like when i was in japan.
it is getting ahem with me even.
but sigh. i had no one to share with then ma.
just hear my exciting stories.
2:44 AM
