Sunday, August 31, 2008
the time comes again
when i feel so suffocated.
such breathless that i seriously really think i might just stop breathing and fall on to the ground.
and i can only pray that there will be that some one there to pull me back up.
give me a pat on the back, give me a hug and that 'are you alright?'
this morning on the way to dreaded work, mum told me that dad said that its up to me
its my decision.
and that they are always there to support watever burden that i have that they can support.
feeling overwhelmed.
so overwhelm that i keep eating eating and eating craving craving and craving and then feel like puking.
i just keep getting the puking feeling.
12:58 PM
Saturday, August 30, 2008
i think it kinda scarey how people could actually turn to be angry dislike or even hate someone that they so once relied on and stuck to.
its just that few times when its such a coincidence that you ar ein a bad mood. and then while trying to control it, that somebody does something that makes you feel.
"hey. maybe that's the end."
haha. yes. i may be pessimistic and like extreme.
but i dont like uncertainty. i dont like bugging questions in the heart.
i dont like insecurity. i really hate the not sure whether it would be correct or not.
that's why almost in everything i would prefer stuff to be separated in to black and white.
yea sometimes some things.. we can go grey, but i dont like it though
i like it when correct is correct and wrong is wrong.
arguements are tiring and sometimes i think meaningless.
therefore whenever i try to reason with myself i get so upset. over wat i also dont know
probably just over the fact that when i show my irritatedness, consequences do follow.
hahaa.
human - damn contradicting to their own values.- i'm damn weird.
omg. i want to be a tree. or a droplet of water.
at least. atleast i am definitely sure that i will be of some use.
oh! another thing that i realised.
a group of people may come together and become close friend due to that one certain person but then, in the end right. that one person's role would always disappear, be it voluntary or involuntary.
like wat minhui says phy says and wat i think
i dont get it too.
people like to swarm around some people.
like that person has some kind of charm you know.
hahaha.
yea. some people just has that factor.
hahah becuz if IF everyone has that factor right.
hurhur. no one will swarm around anyone, becuz they will be too self absorbed.
hahaa. no wonder the old saying goes that "there can be no forever enemies, nor can there be forever friends, there can be only forever family."
so actually in end, half sticking to their other half right,as in needing to spend all the time with the other half, is reasonable excuse, since the other half is definitely more towards the 'family' as compared to friends,at least when they are together la.
hahah.. the only thing is that some friends will be quite upset thats all
and then, the friends' view of the friendship would then be tested, since it would be a challenge to hold on the the friendship.
anyways. wat ever it is.
i really got to treasure my this bunch of friends.
as in my little subset and the little bit that pops out of the subset.
cuz i think it is going to be really hard to find that same trust in the person and the friendship in the days to come as we grow older and enter the working world.
the ugliness of human.
sometimes, when i think of how disgusting i am sometimes as well, i so feel like puking.
8:43 PM
Friday, August 22, 2008
today we sent off another of our friend to another part of the world.
to study.
i hope cherie will do well and everythign will be smooth for her:)
haha.
and then in my bunch of frens i would have another high flyer.
when xiao yan left i didnt cry cuz there was dubberyewkew next to me telling me "huihui we will be seeing her soon, there's no need. "
today there were even more. and plus it became douya who was on the verge.
yea.
hahha wat's the point of saying these.
haha.
no point made. omg, i just go in circles. just like my driving.
since school started i have made alot of mistakes
and yesterday my sister just went "eh. i tot u very ngeow and sharp one, when did u become so easily cheated and slow?"
hmm.
hhahaa.
actually i am quite worried that my tears seldom come nowadays.
i mean yea. i am someone who dont relaly cry but there are times when i know i will definitely cry be it in fustration, sadness or anger.
but seemingly i have like lost my feelings.
i realised that actually there are really huge differences between me and some of my close friends.
its a wonder how we can form our clique.
the huge differences are on fundamental stuff like mentality on certain situations.
12:48 PM
Saturday, August 16, 2008
omg i cant believe it i am going tot ake 6 modules this sem.. and i am so unprepared for macroecons
actually it is more like dont feel like studying econs:(
but sigh since i got it i need to do it seriously ya..
i seriously suck at econs
anyway OMG i managed to catch the WINNING point of Singapore against KOREA!!!
i was watching the first set of Li jia wei at home and then i had to go to school for lect:(
and then after lect i boarded the bus and saw the winning point of the other female singles player and OMG
i swear i was so touched i wanted to cry!!!!!!!!!!!
the way how the girl JUMPED up in joy and totally hugged her coach.!
haha if i were the coach's wife i'll be kinda happy and jealous at the same time.
so lame.
hahahaha
they cried too!:)
the joy of winning:)
i totally rushed for calligraphy lesson yesterday and almost dieded.
it was so confusing. clementi that area
haha and i took the WRONG feeder bus thanks to the guy that MRT station:(
the staff gave me wrong info:(
but then i am dumb too la to like not check first
hahaha
lalalaa i havent been reading yamapi's diary for the past few days too busy >.<
the first week of school!
anyway i went to read just now and found a REALLY unusally long entry
and then i was SORT of ah. SORT of only .. sad for him (wah.. i think i can imagine kai rolling her eyes at me with the 'i-dont-believe-it-is-sort-of-only" expression, weiqin and yan giving me that omg face. ahhaha)
here's the entry:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yamapi's Diary 1820 (14-08-08)
PM 3 : 15
Konbachiwa!
Today I had my lunch a little late.
On my own, I ate udon and egg on rice.(Here P typed in romaji )
As I'm lonely, what I've written look like foreign language.
Today the 8th episode is being filmed!
I worked with a 6 year-old girl on the set!
She's so cute!
Kids are cute afterall (Laugh)
Change of topic, the Olympic is awesome!
In these 4 years, the athletes must have sacrificed a lot , I thought to myself.
In order to be the best in the world.
It's true that a lot of sacrifices have to be made in order for one to succeed.
For me, ever since primary school, I have not been able to make plans with anyone.
During the summer holidays, my friends would always ask me to go with them for swimming in the pool!
However, no matter how many times they asked me out, I turned down their invitation!
As a result, slowly my friends stopped asking me out!
It was a feeling that was hard to express!
During that time I was extremely sad.
I gave up the chances to play with my friends, instead, I chose to work hard to make my dreams come true.
Feel like praising myself for that.
The greatest joy during summer holidays in my primary school years was to eat ice cream and visit the public pool.
Due to my effort then, therefore I'm able to be where I am today, that's what I always believe.
From now onwards, if there're people whose tension could increase a little after seeing me, I'll continue to work hard. (P wrote OREganbaru.)
Again I've written like foreign language again.(Laugh)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hhaha yamapi's diary is usually like at the most 5 lines long this time he wrote damn alot
anyways... this is like translated by this other fan of his.
:):)
i hope my learning of japanese be smooth!!!:)
toodoo...
I WANT TO GO FOR THE FREAKIN EXCHANGE PROGRAMME>.<
9:47 AM
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
omg the stupid post had an error and i had to re post
now i sound even more angsty ever
all i wanted to say is how angsty i am to my friends today
such a wet blanket
i dont know why and how
i just was irritable and so wanted to spite and shoot and watever who said watever happy stuff
ahhaha and i know my friends tried to ignore it
which i'm thank ful for that they tolerated me instead of telling me off
i was comforted and assured by kai and douya though
they were telling me how people just sometimes have their own times.
hahah i know but i dont see them behaving as disgusting as i do
hahaha such hateful words and actions and like sour grapes
crazy wats wrong with me
i dont know
i better start improving or else soon i have no friends
and like have limited friends just as wat my mum said into my face
9:51 PM
Monday, August 11, 2008
sometimes when we are angry stuff just comes out of the mouth that we some times wish we would have never opened.
11:02 PM
Friday, August 08, 2008
omg i swear age is catching up on me.
i keep forgetting things.
just like i forget appointments and everything. omg
anyways.
school is starting next and i cant wait to go to school and spy on the new disgusting juniors
hahahahaa.
lalalalalaaa.
omg omg omg i have been visiting facebook everydya for ONE reason
to read yamapi's mobile blog
this really nice person right translates yamapi's jap blog post and posts it up on yamapi's fan page in face book.
omg the feeling is very 奇妙。
hehe
the tiniest connection to know wat our favourite stars do everyday.
i mean his posts are not long just like 3 4 sentences...
but haha. he knows and we fans know that he is actually talking to us.
as in he has us in his mind when he is typing the message.
so it is not relaly a personal blog
more like update-everyday-for-fans-things-only blog.
the thing is he updates EVERYDAY!:):)
hehe.
my cheeko heart filled with anticipation eevry morning when i log in wanting to read wat he did yesterday!!:):)
lala.
anyway. the JE stars takes like subway la bus and taxi.
so the chances of meeting the is really high:) (according to people la huh- cuz they dont really disguise)
but the thing is EVEN if they walk pass me. I freakin hell wouldnt notice. cuz i walk so blindly and look just in front when i'm walking alone.
and plus i heard that the stars there dont get mobbed. so there wont be any attention drawing crowd to hint to mel.
and PLUS
EVERYONE in tokyo dresses SO nicely
ALL of them look liek teenage young stars or idols.
so wat the hell
HAHAHAHA
llalala...
spore is too hot and humid to smeeellly to dress nicely
omg. i dress nicely and then the next minute i am sweating
the feeling sucks eh sweating into your pretty clothes.:(
SO!
i cant wiat for yamapi's new show to be complete -its currently at episode 6, so i guess maybe another 4-6 episodes the show would be over... and then i can find somewhere to watch everythign in ONE shot!
WOO!
hahahah crazy.
lalalaaalallaalalalalalalaalalaaaaa
yamapi "grows" on me ah.
as in initially i actually felt that he was no big deal
and that i dont understand why he is so frekain popular..
HEH HEH
now i understand!!!!:)
cuz yamashita tomohisa right... hurhr.. he is not like akanishi who has like obvious flaws or like a bad boy name.
AND PLUS
yamapi is graduating from university this yr!!!!!!!
SO! he has brains too!!!
WOOOOOO!! perfect:)
pui pui**
come on! wiggle your ass!:):) puippui*:):)
i'm going mad.
puipui*
!!!
and h my shit i am like surfing for yamapi's photos to post up here and i saw one of his recent magazine shoots and it REAAAALLLY DAMN RAAA one.. omg omg omg TOO OVERRRRRRR
tothink that it was published on a magazine..
OMG! i'm so embarassed to even look at it. :(
ee-yerr i'm having chickenbumps.
watever. i shall ignore that isolated event.
hurhur.
i keep forgetting things.
just like i forget appointments and everything. omg
anyways.
school is starting next and i cant wait to go to school and spy on the new disgusting juniors
hahahahaa.
lalalalalaaa.
omg omg omg i have been visiting facebook everydya for ONE reason
to read yamapi's mobile blog
this really nice person right translates yamapi's jap blog post and posts it up on yamapi's fan page in face book.
omg the feeling is very 奇妙。
hehe
the tiniest connection to know wat our favourite stars do everyday.
i mean his posts are not long just like 3 4 sentences...
but haha. he knows and we fans know that he is actually talking to us.
as in he has us in his mind when he is typing the message.
so it is not relaly a personal blog
more like update-everyday-for-fans-things-only blog.
the thing is he updates EVERYDAY!:):)
hehe.
my cheeko heart filled with anticipation eevry morning when i log in wanting to read wat he did yesterday!!:):)
lala.
anyway. the JE stars takes like subway la bus and taxi.
so the chances of meeting the is really high:) (according to people la huh- cuz they dont really disguise)
but the thing is EVEN if they walk pass me. I freakin hell wouldnt notice. cuz i walk so blindly and look just in front when i'm walking alone.
and plus i heard that the stars there dont get mobbed. so there wont be any attention drawing crowd to hint to mel.
and PLUS
EVERYONE in tokyo dresses SO nicely
ALL of them look liek teenage young stars or idols.
so wat the hell
HAHAHAHA
llalala...
spore is too hot and humid to smeeellly to dress nicely
omg. i dress nicely and then the next minute i am sweating
the feeling sucks eh sweating into your pretty clothes.:(
SO!
i cant wiat for yamapi's new show to be complete -its currently at episode 6, so i guess maybe another 4-6 episodes the show would be over... and then i can find somewhere to watch everythign in ONE shot!
WOO!
hahahah crazy.
lalalaaalallaalalalalalalaalalaaaaa
yamapi "grows" on me ah.
as in initially i actually felt that he was no big deal
and that i dont understand why he is so frekain popular..
HEH HEH
now i understand!!!!:)
cuz yamashita tomohisa right... hurhr.. he is not like akanishi who has like obvious flaws or like a bad boy name.
AND PLUS
yamapi is graduating from university this yr!!!!!!!
SO! he has brains too!!!
WOOOOOO!! perfect:)
pui pui**
come on! wiggle your ass!:):) puippui*:):)
i'm going mad.
puipui*
!!!
and h my shit i am like surfing for yamapi's photos to post up here and i saw one of his recent magazine shoots and it REAAAALLLY DAMN RAAA one.. omg omg omg TOO OVERRRRRRR
tothink that it was published on a magazine..
OMG! i'm so embarassed to even look at it. :(
ee-yerr i'm having chickenbumps.
watever. i shall ignore that isolated event.
hurhur.
11:41 AM