Wednesday, December 31, 2008
being superficial sucks
having superficial people arounds sucks as well
being human sucks the most.
argh. my nose and brain is killing me.
anyways. lala.
i dont really feel well.
so later ah the gathering ah.
my face might totally show.
i apologise first. hurhur.
1:12 PM
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
i wish i could find a place that there will be only rocks, sea, the beach
and serenity.
i could pop that place time to time for some relaxation
or some screaming into the sea.
screaming watever that has made me happy upset angry
on top of this i also want a car
because only a car can reach a place like that.
only a car can bring me to place where i can be alone to think.
or rather it provides me with a private space to breathe.
of cuz i need company too.
just that i want a place of my own
something like a secret little hideout we always read about in Enid Blyton's books/ stories
or see in television shows.
some where that has a sunset like that..
like at the end of the sea path it is heavencolours of the sky are so enticing to the point that i almost believed that if i followed to the horizon to the gradual colours of the sky I would end up in paradise.
and one random point i REALLY hate people packing my stuff.
11:30 AM
Thursday, December 25, 2008
EEEEEEEEEEEEEE YAAAYYYYYYYYY:)
:)
whoo hoo:)
i have gotten the bag that i want:)
my lv the bao bao:):)
hurhur:):) whoo hoo...
lallalalalalalallalalalala
2:23 AM
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
everytime i look at my parents I am so very thankful that they are both so strong.
the grey head of my father whose not even 55.
i really believe it pays to work hard.
I know they'll not be able to see this.. but i really want to let them know how how
so proud of them i am.
so much pride i put in my family despite behaving like that all the time.
and how much i wish to tear the hair out those people who always push and push my father and my mother.
i always thought that if i was a boy
how i could quickly grow up and how much more i could do for them if i'm older.
if i am older and more capable i will not tolerate that.
3:09 PM
YES a sigh of relief..
althoguh there's a teeny weeny bit of disappointment... haha
but i guess the results are the best i can afford given my effor put in i guess:)
anyways..
i am damn happy now that everything is cleared off my chest and i can breathe normally for the first time in 0.75 yrs.. haha:)
1:25 PM
Saturday, December 20, 2008
WOO WOO WOO
YEAH!!:):)
after 6 months of waiting:):)
too doo:)
luckily i accepted:)
now the next thing is results..
whoa..
the pins and needles i am on...
4:05 PM
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
some things can bring more comfort than i or you think
the little things that seem so insignificant when we are missing it we realise how much we miss it
then when we get it back, and with changes to it.. i start grumbling again.
not sure why but kind of emotional and grumpy these few days..
the kind of thought like
why is life such a long journey
and why sometimes it seems so short
why is that so contradicting and so hard to understand
i think i am a shallow person with insufficient experience in life to be matured enough to think in depth.
sometimes i really think i am so blessed but because of this happiness that i feel will always be shortlived for all sorts ofmany reasons.
up till now
this twenty yrs of my life,
i finaly realised the importance of the existence of my family
only these two yrs
where major changes occured that i realised that everyone is moving on.
only me
because i am stationary.
so then it has become the point of ache for me i guess.
last time i took my family togetherness for granted.
so now right.
it has become a heartache. it has become a topic that i am unwilling to touch down deeper with the fear of crying.
its not tears of sadness or watever.
just the thought of my parents working so hard and sacrificing so much to bring the four of us up.
the fatigue on my dad's face and mum's body that makes me wish that my life would move faster, so that i ca no longer be there.
i am someone who only knows how to speak. because i am too lazy to action.
i only noe that too well.
so tat separated me even furthur from that selflessness they have injected into the family.
so actually i think i shouldnt even exist,
i think it would be easier for them and even for myself either.
because now that i am coming of age and learning more stuff,
somehow or rather responsiblity of anything seems to weigh very heavily.
it is no longer like before that i can confidently step up to roles and fulfill them with ease.
2:13 AM
Monday, December 08, 2008
happy birthday phy!!!:)
2:35 AM
Saturday, December 06, 2008
何か。。。このかんじは。。ちょっと。。
うれしくなかった。
ともだちはあまりよくなかったですよね。。。
ちょっと悲しかったね。。。
today had a feeling i guess that cannot be helped.
sometimes. it just makes me feel yea.. maybe i cant really..
anyways.. i finished a drama today:)
surprisingly and to many who dont watch tv crazily like me
they dont understand the "strength” tv dramas may give to someone.
during times of stress or upsetness it the drama or rather the drama characters with those perfect qualities that remind me that i am alright and just need to strive that little bit more to be perfect.
maybe that's why character wise, or rather principles wise i have such たかいexpectations of myself and the people around me.
so there was this senior in my uni orienttn camp previously who gave me
that "tv is a total waste of time" "becuz i dont watch television, so i have tonnes for other things"
i seriously seriously wanted to roll my eyes at that 25 26 yr old.
but given my hypocrite nature, i just smiled and gave a "really?:)"
surprisingly how pissed or how red my face can turn when someone hits that weak point.
yea. actually many of my frens do.
but then right i too do. and plus all the things they always do for me:)
yea.. for jiahui. huisi. shunxie. and jeslyn:) thank you very much for the beautiful perfume. ahahha i wont be able to use it! the bottle is too pretty!!:)
of cuz.. yan.. i know u contributed to it too! ahhaha LAST MINUTE! :) nonetheless thank you:)
actually i have tonnes to write but have forgotten.
that's quite selfish of me isnt it . wagamama.
i just finished a show "Yamada Taro Monotagari" . Surprisely touching and enlightening for a comedy. yea.. maybe such family bond and love and friendship is possible!:)
the lead actress was kinda pesky though. ahhaha kinda wanted to punch her a few episodes! hahah:)
じゃまた！
I miss learning japanese!!!!:(:(
10:50 PM
Sometimes when we are watching dramas right whether it is any country's drama right
i also get remind how imperfect i am
and how kind life has been to me
or like maybe that's what i am really looking for.
and then also "excuse me, its just tv, why are you taking it so seriously?"
haha.
and yea
its tv
that's why characters are so perfect. with no chracter flaws and so easily manipulated.
so simple and straight.
sledom do they have contradicting sides of them
kinda not human- like.
since we are always unclear and in the grey section.
movies too.
ah..
10:02 AM
Friday, December 05, 2008
White X'mas 3rd December 2008
3:24 AM