under the light

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Friday, August 28, 2009

Possessiveness is ugly.
till recently the level of possessive was still unknown.
it finally came to light.
its uglier and scarier then i thought it would be.
life should carry on.
i insist on stopping it. making the desperate last efforts to hold on to the coldness.
so this is what it has become.
i have been having illusions the whole time.
and sank too deep into it.
4 months is really just 4 months ya.. i am overly attached.
and need help breaking the attachment.
i am just that kind of person.
i really dislike lukewarm or sort of cool friendship.
i probably underestimated my need for friends.
it really does not help when school has started and my closest friends are getting too busy.
it really does not help when my mother says things like "since you came back... when you were not here..."
it is not that i want to go over there or what ever.
it is just that i feel that i have lost my standing place and point.
i don't know where i belong.
people's life here went on well without me
the other people's life are going on well without me
i cannot seem to determine my spot already.
it seems as though there's no more space for me in both sides.
it feels exceptionally lonely.
so much that i feel i may suffocate from it one day.

9:34 PM

Fi- Fi-. C
to find a day where from then on
i would never need to lie again.

i really love vanilla.
for its straightforwardness

.mushiness with reality.

Irreplacable , unerasable memories.
June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 July 2010 September 2010 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 November 2012