under the light

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Wednesday, February 18, 2009

sometimes. u think abt it. humans are really not to be trusted
take for example myself today.
i had a very rather selfish thought.
but then again.
sometimes i do feel people do take advantage.
so it really is rather stupid to let them do it.
but sometimes. to make life easier... silence is a better option.
which den will accumulate unhappiness.
which eventually spoil relations.
i really would just want to hold on to my morals
so i abandoned that selfish thought.
i want to learn to give.
but just worry one day the situation of overgiving.
or to put it more bluntly and notsofakely the situation of not recieving back, due to the demand more than the supply.
because i am definitely not a selfless person.
such contradiction.
whatever it is
i shall hold on to a clear conscience at the very minimum.
whether i am stingy generous spendthrift scrooge.
i shall try to maintain my clear conscience of not taking advantage of others.

i always thought abt how come it is always a good friendship, easy , smooth flowing friendship in the beginning.. and then it gets harder as we get to know each better. it gets harder to maintain.
cuz in the beginning we had no idea abt one another. everything interesting. fresh.
most importantly that people make friends, hangout, on the occasion, spotaneous and not because of other "things". this is one that i really care about.
sometimes after meeting with some people, i leave feeling otherwise.
the vibes. the "inaccurate" hunches.
yea. i do have such feelings sometimes with the people around me.
i do grumble abt it.
but then, who am i
who am i. i am a nobody, i shouldn't judge in such a way.
but hey in another angle.
i am judging in my own court.
i cant force another person to accept my verdict if they dont want to.
it is my own personal verdict right in my personal mind.
that is my rights to my brain. my thoughts. that no one is suppose to question and can question.

10:45 PM

Fi- Fi-. C
to find a day where from then on
i would never need to lie again.

i really love vanilla.
for its straightforwardness

.mushiness with reality.

Irreplacable , unerasable memories.
June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 July 2010 September 2010 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 November 2012