under the light

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Tuesday, December 16, 2008

some things can bring more comfort than i or you think
the little things that seem so insignificant when we are missing it we realise how much we miss it
then when we get it back, and with changes to it.. i start grumbling again.
not sure why but kind of emotional and grumpy these few days..
the kind of thought like
why is life such a long journey
and why sometimes it seems so short
why is that so contradicting and so hard to understand
i think i am a shallow person with insufficient experience in life to be matured enough to think in depth.
sometimes i really think i am so blessed but because of this happiness that i feel will always be shortlived for all sorts ofmany reasons.
up till now
this twenty yrs of my life,
i finaly realised the importance of the existence of my family
only these two yrs
where major changes occured that i realised that everyone is moving on.
only me
because i am stationary.
so then it has become the point of ache for me i guess.
last time i took my family togetherness for granted.
so now right.
it has become a heartache. it has become a topic that i am unwilling to touch down deeper with the fear of crying.
its not tears of sadness or watever.
just the thought of my parents working so hard and sacrificing so much to bring the four of us up.
the fatigue on my dad's face and mum's body that makes me wish that my life would move faster, so that i ca no longer be there.
i am someone who only knows how to speak. because i am too lazy to action.
i only noe that too well.
so tat separated me even furthur from that selflessness they have injected into the family.
so actually i think i shouldnt even exist,
i think it would be easier for them and even for myself either.
because now that i am coming of age and learning more stuff,
somehow or rather responsiblity of anything seems to weigh very heavily.
it is no longer like before that i can confidently step up to roles and fulfill them with ease.

2:13 AM

Fi- Fi-. C
to find a day where from then on
i would never need to lie again.

i really love vanilla.
for its straightforwardness

.mushiness with reality.

Irreplacable , unerasable memories.
June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 July 2010 September 2010 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 November 2012