under the light

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Thursday, April 17, 2008

you know.
have you ever had the time that you really really really really really
wanted this thing so badly that you put so so so so so so so much effort in it
then after it has "ended" . it just ended. full stop.
den after the full stop relief, you find yourself uneasy like something is missing.
den 'shit' comes.
i forgot this,
i left out that.
i wrote that wrongly.

i feel like crying so badly now.
its gonna burst.
it bursts.
why was i so stupid
why was i in such a hurry when i could do it tmr.
why
why
why its always regrets after regrets.

i hate it totally
why must some stuff be so difficult to do
why cant i do it because i want to, without obstacles.
all i wanted it do was to spend that one pathetic semester in a foreign place and
i have to face so much problems at this inital step.
have to face so much regrets.

i havent cried in a long time.
so this time i seem to have forgotten how to.
so this time i seem to have forgotten how to stop it as well.
i feel so small.
so small as compared to the world that i feel that i am being swallowed by a big whale.

7:06 PM

Fi- Fi-. C
to find a day where from then on
i would never need to lie again.

i really love vanilla.
for its straightforwardness

.mushiness with reality.

Irreplacable , unerasable memories.
June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 July 2010 September 2010 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 November 2012