under the light

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

today was the first paper.. probability

the paper was supposed to be easy.
i felt that it was doable too.
but then
the big shitty but comes in
i had insufficent time to complete that freakin paper.
:(
i onyl had 15 mins to do the last three qns
7 marks each
and the whole paper is..
ta daa 65 marks.
gone
i doubt i'll even pass this paper.
******************** to the core.

11:38 PM

Friday, April 25, 2008

ruan jing tian is really freakin' :):):):):)

my mind is empty right now.
i really really hope my SEP application can go thru especially on the foreign uni side..
please please.
although i'm a lil scared of the new-ness of the experience,
but then, this time i really dont wanna run away from the feeling of fear.

11:30 PM

Friday, April 18, 2008

now thinking about it
it seems so far away again.
life is really not meant for mediocre people like me
thanks for reminding me time and time again singapore
you never fail to hit home to me that i'm worthless.

sometimes when i get over enthu with stuff.
i dont feel like doing it anymore
i just feel like puking.

i think i can go and join the 30 hr empathsize-the-hungry project.

life really really sucks.
and i think its just gonna get worse.
and worse after entering the workforce

byebye honours.

4:06 PM

Thursday, April 17, 2008

you know.
have you ever had the time that you really really really really really
wanted this thing so badly that you put so so so so so so so much effort in it
then after it has "ended" . it just ended. full stop.
den after the full stop relief, you find yourself uneasy like something is missing.
den 'shit' comes.
i forgot this,
i left out that.
i wrote that wrongly.

i feel like crying so badly now.
its gonna burst.
it bursts.
why was i so stupid
why was i in such a hurry when i could do it tmr.
why
why
why its always regrets after regrets.

i hate it totally
why must some stuff be so difficult to do
why cant i do it because i want to, without obstacles.
all i wanted it do was to spend that one pathetic semester in a foreign place and
i have to face so much problems at this inital step.
have to face so much regrets.

i havent cried in a long time.
so this time i seem to have forgotten how to.
so this time i seem to have forgotten how to stop it as well.
i feel so small.
so small as compared to the world that i feel that i am being swallowed by a big whale.

7:06 PM

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

huu huu~~
:):)

明るい明るい
it is bright it is bright
智慧 = 知恵
明るい明るい = 慧慧 = 恵恵

HUU HUU~~
so cool.
full stop.

dip in energy.
bringing down to da pits.

10:03 AM

Friday, April 11, 2008

it has been.. let's see...
5? 6? days since i've started:)
hurhur and i am starting to feel more customed to the new lifestyle.
heh heh.
so exciting.
at least this time i kinda feel more motivated.
heh heh.
thanks to KAT-TUN
omg.
i am going deeper and deeper.
i really need to pull myself away from crunchyroll.
so gross.

yes.
and examINATIONS are arriving soon:(
shitz..
programming and probability is so kinda screwed
i need to start practising soon
programming prac exam is NEXT FRI
OMG
can die
why cant i be able to solve the questions like everyone else:(

i actually feel that i should have looked carefully into NTU's course and applied for the degree in Mathematical Sciences for Stats
:(
at least it's direct honours and i have no need to worry that i cant do honours like now in disgusting NUS.

yea, i always say singapore sucks la.
it's damn gross and everything
but thinking carefully abt it
It's really..
true.
full stop
haha
the only thing enticing abt here is that my fmaily and friends and memories are here.
and of cuz it's so puny that everything is within reach
but other than that i seriously cant think of any other reasons.
gross gross
sigh
but pple always say.
the grass always seems greener on the other pasture.
yea
i know but
we would never noe if it's really true until we have tried right
:)

sigh
i have a feeling i wont be able to get a job after i graduate
and i'll end up in a freakin office with a freaking desk
doing admin work:(
sigh
with the number of uni grads everywhere
our more than a decade of studying seems to be devalued:(
RRrrr
derogation of grant.

11:38 AM

Sunday, April 06, 2008

mood swings are quite scarey aren't they.
and we get them for all the different reasons.
pms
hungry
tired
emo

toodoo..
i decided to indulge myself in KAT-TUN for like hours yesterday.
la la.
i just like them to DA BITSS:)
heh heh
not many would understand..
but i feel that sometimes idolizing
gives some sense of identity belonging
and maybe even hope.
at least i FIRMLY know that i like them.
and not have doubts.
:)
given my indecisive character.
who knows maybe idolizing does good.

DOTS~
excuses excuses excuses
reasoning reasoning and reasoning.
yea i know
but we reason all the time dont we
we reason because we care so much abt how others look at our views and opinions
dont we
so we look for explanations so that pple can understand and or at least try our thoughts.
and that takes effort doesnt it be it a HUGE effort or small effort.
that's why when some people dont pay attention or make others repeat more than necessary
or just waving stuff off, laughing things off, i get kinda pissed.
but!
but!
that does not mena i dont do it
HARLOW! i'm not a super being
there are definitely moments that one cant!
and i understand that:)
just that obviously when effort could be put in to understand it wasnt
it pricks me.
yea
yucks

WATEEVR~~~
this is supposed to be a happy post abt KAT-TUN but it ended up as my rantings:(

10:45 PM

Thursday, April 03, 2008

yea..maybe i should snap out of it.
gosh
how old am i.
like twenty this year
shit i really hate that 2 there.
why cant i be nineteen or eighteen forever.

i wanna go on an exchange programme!!!

6:42 PM

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

KAT-TUN

KAT-TUN

KAT-TUN

KAT-TUN!!!!

OH

MY

GOD

i've become a japanese junkie

10:25 PM