under the light

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Friday, December 21, 2007

ya thanks ah.
u just got pissed with me
u just gave me the most hurting cold shoulder ever
over?
your stupid pa who decided not to join us.
she isnt even supposed to join us
it's our family holiday
it's our family outing

thanks for showing that someone outside could easily make you ignore me
thanks for showing me that the living together of a near 20 yrs aint even comparable to a 6 months working together

ya it's bimbotic when i said i broke my nail. nail extension
but do u know how freaking painful it was and all u bothered was to made me shift the creaky faulty chair so that she is comfortable.
u ignored me
u ignored me when i said it hurts and when i said i had no strength to shut that bloody slide door.
u ignored when i said how freaking expensive it was and how many frekain hours i had to sit to do it,
ya surprising u could ignore all these.
thanks.
yea i spent tonnes of ur money
so if u werent prepared for such a burden u should have planned and not have me at all
i cant even discuss with you my consideration of switching course
u just made me want to do it even more
thanks for showing me how much family ties are worth.
thanks for making me feel embarassed of all the boasting i have done of both of you.

but still i realise i still cant live independently or think independently
have the guts to do anything on my own
i still, still cant leave from both of your sides.

sometimes i really wished you didnt hold such a position
even if i can not get stuff by just asking for it.
ya why do you think i keep working even though i feel like shit at the end of every week.
i never did say i minded not getting the things i want
i never did say i couldnt suffer.
friends laugh, saying haha are you sure?
yea.
i'm real sure.
i can work even if i'm running a high fever having a splitting headache the feeling of puking. and no one would even realise.
how can i be so sure i can
cuz
i have done it
yea thanks for looking down on me,
thanks
i may be fat stupid lazy
but dont please dont

so can u please come back.
so can the original family in singapore at 68 holland grove drive please come back.

4:15 AM

Fi- Fi-. C
to find a day where from then on
i would never need to lie again.

i really love vanilla.
for its straightforwardness

.mushiness with reality.

Irreplacable , unerasable memories.
June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 July 2010 September 2010 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 November 2012