under the light

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Wednesday, November 22, 2006

haiz... why does papa always want to see my blog..
my dearest daddy.. its not tat i dont let u see..
i jus dont want u to know to much..
i'll let it out when i really need too..
i need to learn to withstand pressure, handle things on my own..
if not how am i gonna survive my future career paths??

tonight this evening i told mum and dad all about it...
and shit wat the hell... i broke down in the midst of telling them..
i dont know wahy.
father scolded me for crying ' why are u crying?' he said rather harshly..
mum also scolded me saying.. 'u still have a paper tmr! dont bother first can?'
i dont know i dont know..
i'm not angry not fustrated at anyone anybody.
it's just that i'm so near the goal i'm so near my dreams and a whole new level of achievements.
i'm afraid of losing it.
i'm afraid that 1 whole yr of effort may come to naught.
so needed someone to hear me listen to my fears and just assure me that they are just my overthinking.
hiaz..
the person that firsat comes to my mind.. never picks up the phone.
others may not have time for me.
the others may not understand since they do not noe head and tail.
my sister?.. she has her own problems.
my brothers?.. their to young to understand.
my parents are all i have left.
so i decided to tell them.
probably because i was feeling overwhelmed.
and
i did something i haven't done in ages and ages.
breaking down over my own matters.
i haven broken down over my matters since ah ma passed away.
even then there were little tears.
and that was sadness,
haiz.
please let everything be ok.
we made a harsh and impulsive decision.
it may be wrong it may be right.
it has already been done.
so.
please let everything be ok.
please let everything be ok.
i'm a coward remember?
i'm not able to take reprimandings easily.
that's why i also go an extra mile for teachers.
because i dont wanna be scolded.
because i dontwant to disappoint them.

10:44 PM

Fi- Fi-. C
to find a day where from then on
i would never need to lie again.

i really love vanilla.
for its straightforwardness

.mushiness with reality.

Irreplacable , unerasable memories.
June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 July 2010 September 2010 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 November 2012