under the light

Monday, November 27, 2006

today.. (26th nov) afternoon.. the concert ended.

FREAKIN' YEAH YEAH YEAH!!!

successful?.. i am not professional enough la huh to say...

dravidian was.. hmm.. ok..
verbum was GREAT great great... i think it was best new level of Aaaa- mennn we ever did..
the humming just hung in the hair after we ended.. mr t was happy real glad with it. :) WHOOHOO!
chua-ay was.. hmm.. can die... i made mistakes.. stupid mistakes..
i got so shocked that mr t looked at me that to totally forgot to sing..
and after that i forgot to move... haiz... like shoots... it's straining to do chua-ay and dravi... very energy draining... totally had not time to think at all at all...
'round the glory manger...
hm... i dont noe whether it was considered good la huh... mr t was glad with cheryl the soloist!!!
:) her voice and techniques are like freakin wonderfull... how envious...

the past two three days i've been super duper busy.. haha..
going out with the sa people yesterday afternoon and jas chua jada and huisi for dinner....
the previous day somemore i went out with giang viv and kenneth till like 11 la.. practically cant open my eyes or drag my feet... and all was done after the super tiring pracs...

tmr.. we have another prac.. i am scared. scared that he will pin point my mistake during practiceon monday (techiquely speaking tmr) gross ah..
haiz..
sorry sorry.. i really didn't mean to make mistakes.. i just was shocked. shocked.

packing my bag packing my bag...
i'm bringiong a rather small luggage.. i ghope it'll be able to fit in everything la huh.. haha...
still got tonnes to put in.

after meeting up with loads of old frens..
i realised something.
i may not have gotten over it.
like shit shit shit.
how i wished it'll turn back to as good as last time.. when we had everything under the sun to talk about and do together.

and recently i realised... that someone is super similar to similar be it physically or personality.
like oh gosh...
i hope everything will be alright. haiz. please continue to be happy.

12:11 AM

Thursday, November 23, 2006

thanks issac:) it's glad to noe that u aren't angry with me for saying things...
and i believe too that u're a great person with lots of personality..:)

todays practice was fine... haiz... a load seems to be off my shoulders..
but but.. haiz.. i dread tmr.. i haven seem mr t in like 2 months..
ahhh. wat if he stares at me and makes me sing individually ??
i just die on the spot.
i really hope the concert will be a success...
the trip will be success... and i'm part of the success...

come on huihui. go go go.

9:23 PM

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

haiz... why does papa always want to see my blog..
my dearest daddy.. its not tat i dont let u see..
i jus dont want u to know to much..
i'll let it out when i really need too..
i need to learn to withstand pressure, handle things on my own..
if not how am i gonna survive my future career paths??

tonight this evening i told mum and dad all about it...
and shit wat the hell... i broke down in the midst of telling them..
i dont know wahy.
father scolded me for crying ' why are u crying?' he said rather harshly..
mum also scolded me saying.. 'u still have a paper tmr! dont bother first can?'
i dont know i dont know..
i'm not angry not fustrated at anyone anybody.
it's just that i'm so near the goal i'm so near my dreams and a whole new level of achievements.
i'm afraid of losing it.
i'm afraid that 1 whole yr of effort may come to naught.
so needed someone to hear me listen to my fears and just assure me that they are just my overthinking.
hiaz..
the person that firsat comes to my mind.. never picks up the phone.
others may not have time for me.
the others may not understand since they do not noe head and tail.
my sister?.. she has her own problems.
my brothers?.. their to young to understand.
my parents are all i have left.
so i decided to tell them.
probably because i was feeling overwhelmed.
and
i did something i haven't done in ages and ages.
breaking down over my own matters.
i haven broken down over my matters since ah ma passed away.
even then there were little tears.
and that was sadness,
haiz.
please let everything be ok.
we made a harsh and impulsive decision.
it may be wrong it may be right.
it has already been done.
so.
please let everything be ok.
please let everything be ok.
i'm a coward remember?
i'm not able to take reprimandings easily.
that's why i also go an extra mile for teachers.
because i dont wanna be scolded.
because i dontwant to disappoint them.

10:44 PM

huihui needs to assure herself she can get thru' this.
she has tolerated and done it for one year.
but.
she is not sure if she can hold out for the next 2 weeks.

she can. i believe she can.
only she.

mum says do ur best and not allow them to pick on u.
yah mum.
yah.
she has been trying her best to be strong and brave to face the strange high flying musical world.
she has been trying real real real real hard.
but mum.
it seems like it isn't enough for some people.
they dont recognise the effort.
they only see the results.
only the results.
only the results.

and sometimes.
even though effort is put in.
results dont show.
results dont reflect.

what's the world coming to, my God.

1:23 AM

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

sometimes... wouldn't it be better to not put pressure on people?...
'A' levels... the j1s of choir haven even been thru it...
how can they how can they belittle the pressure and toll it has taken on the j2s bodies..
worked hard?.. oh my .. u haven experienced the reall working hard dearies...
cant u be more sensitive and try to understand wat we're going thru'?... it's not tat we chose to lag behind!.. we had exams NATION WIDE exams!!! of course its of TOP TOP TOP priority.. it determines our future u know.. our future NOT YOURs...
j2s will bring the j1s down?..
do u know wat the heck u are talking about?!
without these bringing down j2s,
you wouldnt even be present..
choir wouldnt be in existence..
the j2s could have chosen to close choir down..
we didn't...
we wanted to give it a shot...
the teachers told us that if we would want choir to change and improve it has to start with the j2 batch...
we were tempted by the success, the prague, the pioneering.
we worked and freaked our freakin' asses out for a freakin year.
then.
then. then?!
j2s seem to be the burden now.
seems as though we should jus noe our limits and withdraw earlier.
problems of catchin up and insufficient time have been seen and put acros a freakin long time.
now now now?!
blame is shift to our already ladened shoulders.
'a' levels are near over man.
shouldnt i be happy.
but i'm not.
not because my exams were screwed.
but that
but that i dread i dread the torturous practices that are to come.
shit.
shit. how i wished i had the guts to stand up to the teachers and withdraw.
no one.
no one.
but those j2s involved can understand the feeling of a tremondous baggage removed and another huge one replaces it.
the feeling of seeing others playing and rejoicing while i've got to carry another baggage is...
undescribable.

12:58 AM

Saturday, November 18, 2006

the day i'm showered and brimming with love, well-wishes and care:)

10:37 PM

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

oh my GOD!!
renfu is gonna be a father like freakin soon!!:)
he admitted it on wanyu this evening!!
my god...
i am so so happy fr him
i mean he knows it's wrong to do this kind of have baby before marriage... and he apologised...
!!! AHHHH
and den he said he is very grateful to his girlfriend for being so considerate understanding about their position especially his position and was agreeable to stay at home for 3 whole months till now to like prevent the paparazzi from taking photos.. my god.. he jus kept saying he is really glad to have her, such a great girl, as a life partner.. imagine not stepping out of the house for three whole months i would have gone crazy...:):) :) hahaha.. so happy... cant believe he actually teared... as in like he was super touched when he narrated the whole process of decision making and howis company and both parents sides agreed to match his saying to the tabloid papers... and of course how willing his girl fren was to pei he and and everything else:):)
they predict another 10 days...den she'll give birth...
i hope she gives birth to a SCORPIO!!:) hhaha..:):)
renfu rocks:) 5566 rocks:) hahha haven said this in ages:)
i'm freakin happy for him!!!:) HAVE A GOOD LIFE!

11:04 PM

...Random thoughts..
dot dot dot.
hmm..
dramas and serials and movies are fantasies aren't they.
they are, aren't they.

...Random thoughts...

argh.. so mushy.. but wth la... love, like seems great isnt it..
i kept thinking and thinking abt wat we talked bout on the day of xuan's bdae...
i'm glad for viv.. and hope it'll work out fo her:)
as for phong.. haiz... i think only L can take care of u.. u wait for him to come back la huh HAHAHA L L L L L L L L.. retarded i can feel u cursing hahahahha.. saying:'huihui u damn out of point eh... ' hahha...

shou shou:) if u are reading ah.. i dont think u're reading but but.. never mind.. just wanna tell u..:) dun worry... u're a superb person:) i needn't say anymore need i? :)

Random thoughts ...

u noe i watched some show and then there was this statement.. the greatest distance u can have with some one on earth is when you are back to back... because a person has to go around the whole earth to see the other person's face.:)
so.. dont turn ur back on someone without thinking... it takes a great deal of effort to face one another again.

7:46 PM

Friday, November 10, 2006

hehe.. i went to the motorshow like almost like immedately after the paper ahaha.. with my dearest poppy.. of cuz i went home to change first la... the feeling of is heartwarming... so loved... even when i'm facing such stress from school... :) poppy like jus listens to watever i said.. lucky.. lucky me to have such parents:) i am thankful for that...father is very blur blur blur.. there was this ferrari pillow that i fist picked up.. but it was like 34.90... so.. so.. so.. i looked around for a cheaper item.. the key chain too haha.. with the horse and the logo..11 bucks but then papa said.. the keychain has not much of a use might as well buy the small pillow.. even if it's a little more ex haaha.. guess wat den when he went to pay... he said .. the pillow is 34 dollars ah meimei... 'yup! i thought u knew it was expensive?!'"oohh i see it's in euro dollars... 24.90 euro... " my gosh.. the erou dollar was so huge next to the 24.90 how could he have missed it hahaha.. this is my father.. my father that i know is working so so so very hard to support the family on his own... thanks dad:)

7:34 PM

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

how.
today.
it was ok for bio.
it was ok.
math.
i'm so in shit
i dont know wat to reply my parents.
there goes my cert.
i would really like to not think abt it and work hard on the rest of the papers.
but i dont feel like to.
it's like oh shit.
might as well forget dont do.. haiz... so weak in the mind. i dont noe la.
i cant them.
wat the hell.
sorry la.
i was feeling upset wat.
u needn't turn away like that.
watever.
shit.

8:14 PM

Sunday, November 05, 2006

freakin' shit.
like freakin' shit.
i didn't understand a freakin' thing.

they have measure who will get wat dun they.
i feel like asking.' so... how will i do?'
wat's the point.
i didnt work hard i didnt work hard.
a leopard will never change its spots.
o levels was the same.. so is a levels.

disappointing.
disappointed in myself.
how
how did i allow my myself to not know those stuff.
shit
stressed
excuse excuse excuse.
excuse me.
i allowed myself to waste away be stressed fail exam and ruin my future.
jump jump jump

i got irritated.
i hate sqawking.
i hate it totally.

i think.. the only thing i can be proud of is my family, some of friends and my eq.
haha.
eq
i would really like to boast about it.
i would really like to take a test on it.

money cant buy love.
love can buy money.
hopes cant buy dreams.
dreams can buy hope.

results seem to buy everything.
character seems to buy nothing.
heart seems to buy nothing.

can results buy everything?
i want not to believe.
society believes in it.
conformity is the main aim of society.
so i have to believe in it.
and dash blindly with everyone else.
it's not a choice of want or want not to.
it's a choice of survival.
my society...
my singapore.

i'm not the bottom of the crowd.
nor am i the top of the crowd.
i can safely say i am the bottom of the top of the crowd.
it's suffocating.
the remedy for insanity.

please let me get through this in one piece.
one perfect unstained piece.

8:53 PM

Friday, November 03, 2006

hehehe...

:) :) eh.. i warn u guys first hor...
:):) dun want bad comments ah...

haha.. so serious...
ya so serious...

hurhur.. thinking i'm becoming crazy...

9:24 AM

Thursday, November 02, 2006

POOP
HAHAHAHA
high high high...
hi hi hi...
crazy.
hurhurhurhur
hehehehehehe
hahahahahaha

6:07 PM