under the light

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Thursday, September 21, 2006

today is the last paper... bio paper 1...
hmm.. all of a sudden i feel... lost... lousy... exams over... aren't i supposed to feel relieved.
but how come how come i feel like crying.
exams this time seemed so so so long. i really feel like shit. like totally drained.
i dread the day that my results come back and show that my efforts were futile.
all the papers were like i am loss for words.
even when i'm watching 'john tucker must die' i wasn't really laughing sincerely.
it was farni but...
half of my heart was thinking about my exams.
i've never felt like before.
i had chem tuition... did jjc's paper...
why am i able to do their paper and not cjc's? our standard aren't that far.
it occurred to me/ probably i got exam jitters.. causing me under perform...
NO NO!! i cannot let that come over me! i've never did allowed it to overcome me!! i've never allowed exam jitters to come over me.
wat has happened me...! if this continues... i can not get any where.
and at the back of my mind... i've got choir issues popping out every day.

life. i've asked my self numerous times. wat's life. where's my life destined to be.
many friends asked me. why are you so into horoscopes and into tarot cards fortune telling and luck. i dont know. they give me security. the security that i still have a future lying ahead of me.
i actually dont see myself as a thirty year old.. i never think i'd live that long.
so i can only hang around in this world.
i wanna do something meaningful. something that will help not millons but at least a handful to change their lives. give them hope. and they can give me back a dream. a dream of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. i wanna do real stuff. not just pray to god, do charity, give offerings, mediate or chant. i wanna that handful of people to know that no matter wat i'll always be there. even at the expense of my fiances my career and my life...

a free clinic.
a bunch of delinquents.
a group of misguided people.

but where i'm going to get the power the responsiblity the courage to shoulder their troubles with them. i'll find it. i will find it. i will find it. let me find it.

5:55 PM

Fi- Fi-. C
to find a day where from then on
i would never need to lie again.

i really love vanilla.
for its straightforwardness

.mushiness with reality.

Irreplacable , unerasable memories.
June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 July 2010 September 2010 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 November 2012