Thursday, August 31, 2006
thank you for them.
thank you for giving them to me.
thank you for giving them to me so that i feel so loved.
thank you for giving them to me so when i feel tired i can turn to them.
thank you for giving them to me so i can face my true self.
thank you for giving them to me so i can be true to my inner feelings.
thank you for giving them to me so i can grow up.
thank you for giving them to me so i can see clearly where my faults lie.
~phy, ann, tina, cristal, elena.
one i've knowned for a long long time.
four i've found them hidden for a long long time.
thank you for letting me feel loved and wanted.
thank you for the security i so longed for.
we might have disagreements or yet to have disagreements,
but i wish with all my heart that when that time comes our frenship reaches a greater height,
and not just fade off like so many had.
have i grown up?
i don't know.
i wish i had grown up earlier,
so i could have learnt to love my family earlier, as much as i do now.
i am aware of the hurt u all are experiencing.
be it love career family watever.
i pretend i am not aware.
i pretend i dont care.
my heart bleeds as much as u all do,
because i cannot do anything to reduce the pain.
because i cannot cry.
because i cannot bring myself to say ' i love you. all of you.'
tired. is the only word i have now. but i am happier. studying has surprisingly reduced the stress instead of increasing it as i always thought.
choir? just found out i cant attend prom. prague is back. leaving on the 29th nov. how. i dont know. actually maybe i dont really want to go.
i m tired of scrutinizing eyes.
people ask why do u care about those people whom are not worth it. i replied. you have not been under that few pairs of eyes, how would you noe how it feels like.
people said self esteem and self confidence is built by urself. i replied. try doing it- when it is already the bottom, it is bashed and bulldozed down by those pairs of mocking eyes.
regrets fills my life.
some can be salvaged. but. i choose not to. silly? not really. at least i dont think so.
i refuse to face up to any disppointments that i had known could be avoided.
that's me. a coward. not wanting to face up to any music- charmaine thiang enlightened me 2 years ago.
running away seems like the most painless way for me.
phy asked this afternoon. why dont u just complain about it.
i replied, i cant i dont want to. it's too troublesome. it just reminds me of watever i've experienced. my heart is tired. it cant take many blows. let's reserve it for the future.
i can- at the very least- try to smile as brightly as i can to whoever smiles at me or whoever i think deserves the smile.
no.
i do not think the world revolves around me.
the sun will still rise, the earth will still spin, even if i've died.
everyone has their set of problems.
but allow me to be very selfish and self-centred in just this one place. let me only talk about my affairs here. i need to learn to love myself and not to despise myself just as how some others do. let me love myself. please.
9:57 PM
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
F.
i am really starting to hate you.
*this is not meant to be pink. this is f-ing supposed to be RED.
10:25 PM
Monday, August 28, 2006
| the Questioner Thanks for taking the test ! | ||
you chose CY - your Enneagram type is SIX."I am affectionate and skeptical"Questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative. How to Get Along with Me
What I Like About Being a Six
What's Hard About Being a Six
Sixes as Children Often
Sixes as Parents
Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele The Enneagram Made Easy
you wanna know MORE? or do you prefer to
You are not completely happy with the result?! You chose CY Would you rather have chosen: | ||
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My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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| Link: The Quick & Painless ENNEAGRAM Test written by felk on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test |
10:49 PM
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
The body asked the heart, "When i'm ill i can turn to a doctor to make me feel better. But when you are ill, who do you turn to?"
The heart replied," Myself. I treat myself."
11:09 PM
Monday, August 21, 2006
know wat? my days are happier. really. i'm thankful for that. but. stress levels are increasing. i cant seem to be able to cope with work.
know wat? my dream is too far to be realised. i never thought i would want to be a doctor .really. i never thought so.
phong says there is something wrong with me these days. i don't know. why dont u tell me where the abnormality lies. maybe i've been trying too hard to be as cheerful as i can. i want to be a cheerful person. now. isn't that a simple aim? no. it's not. it's really difficult to smile and say ure ok when u are not. its fake. i know. but since it'll resolve differences and prevent misunderstandings and awkward situations why not? i heard lots lots of wonderful quotes on tv. i really want to put them in the entry. but. i cant remember them. because i was thinking about many other things at the same time that the deeper meanings of each quote never sunk in. aud shld noe this: ' don't give up tomorrow. ur tomorrow has me in it.' this from a chinese show. so? it fits so well in every one of our lives.
phy. it's difficult to change a person. it'll be the same situation if i tried to change you. so. let it go. u play ur part. u've done ur duties and the extra mile. that's the maximum distance u can go. stop. look back. there are others who need u to go the extra mile for them too. take care of them as how you have taken care of another.
i shant promise that i'll be there for any one all the time whenever u need me. i get tired too. quite easily in fact. so. stop. and wait for me if u can. move on if u cant. it's ok. i understand.-at least i try to understand.
11:11 PM
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
horrible people. So what if u come from a rich school. I cant believe we are of the same age. Tell me. How are u going to be able to listen to a teacher teaching when u have the white ear phones which seems to be important to determine ur wealth status, stuffed into ur ear-wax blocked ear. urgh. ur behaviour mannerism speech and the topics u talk abt disgust me. How shallow can one get? As deep as skin- skindeep. u think it's not obvious when u insult my fren. Huh. IQ=80. EQ? Probably lower than that. Yuck. wat has become of this society. So ugly. Above average girls hot legs short skirts- does not equal to A heart. Note: I mean A heart not a BIGGER heart- u girls don't have any, how to 'enlarge' it? Guys? No looks no height no built no manners. yucks way worse then the girls and u still dare to shout across the room as if we don't exist and express ur 'thoughts' abt my fren. hurhur how amusing ur actions are. fugly? cat? Huh. I think u are no better. It's beneath me to call u names- bastards. I really do not like to this word. I really do not because it's insulting the people who gave life to u. But. U guys really behave like as defined in the society. I think even real 'bastards'(refer to the more correct definition in the Oxford Dictionary) are better learned then look-I've-got-the-ipod-stuffed-in-my-ears people. drinking. clubbing. That's all u can do? No of course not. u can make girls cry. smack their heads in to beer mugs. laugh at them. proudly announce that u weren't drunk when u did it. fuck. I really did want to throw an unopened can of drink at ur fucking face. I really did. wat's ur problem. u should be thrown down the building there and then. how vicious can the girls get. just because the guys said that they do not like that one person, u almost immediately deny being close frens with that person. and claimed that the person stuck to you. huh. look in the mirror. u? It takes two hands to clap. wat sad school culture these people have. In comparison seems like cj is not a bad place afterall. Let's thank these people for letting me know how lucky I am to be in cj. I shan't embarrass the school. I shan't embarrass the education community that has schools from kindergarten to junior college and it's recent independent international. Thank you so much for reminding me how much I should love my school. u should start loving urs too. oh wait. one step at a time. u cant crawl yet how can i make u fly? maybe u can start by loving urself. only after that u can learn to love ur family ur frens ur classmates the school and finally the society. Please start soon. Singapore is facing an aging population. We cannot afford to have any more liabilities. I'll grow with you. I'll reach the top and wait for u there. I believe u can do it.
9:59 PM
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Being sick sucks.
Being sick with a splitting headache sucks.
Being sick with a splitting headache and a nauseous feeling sucks.
Being sick with a splitting headache and a nauseous feeling and a bad throat sucks.
Being sick with a splitting headache and a nauseous feeling and a bad throat and a nasal voice sucks.
Being sick with a splitting headache and a nauseous feeling and a bad throat and a nasal voice and an audition recording due on this Friday sucks.
I'm totally out of shape to sing now!! How should have done it before the mock exams before I fell sick!! But how am I to noe that I am falling sick!! argh.. The result of procrastinating work!! Important work in fact!! But a leopard will never change its spots.. I've been like this since after leaving pri school..Maybe even during pri schl I was already like that...
slap kick hit punch watever. wake me up. I'm such an idiot. Lazy freak! arghhh..
11:37 PM
Monday, August 14, 2006
7:54 AM
Saturday, August 12, 2006
hmm... today(as in fri)... started as quite a horrible day..
bio mock was saddening when ccan i ever finish mypaper on time.. den we had math mock. lt6 was SO SO packed that we were practically elbow to elbow. had a total shoulder ache and headache after the torturing math paper ended.
BUT!
after that everything was much better:) all the talking at tcc and watching fireworks.
fireworks are really pretty.
it was even prettier den last year's ndp one... maybe be cuz last yr it seemed furthur away this time it was so much closer... oh man!
wat comes after fireworks?.. a super high phong HEHEHE.. and us making fun of someone out there who thinks phong's SILHOUETTE is pretty.. hehehe.. ok la ok la.. u not bad la huh phong:) really. hehe.. see i'm not as bad ur 'brother' ah... suan u like crazy.. hmm ok la ahs?.. hahas.
the brief talk witht he interruption of taking photos was was... hmm.. i'm not sure actually.. think all of us were really really too tired.. it's kinda funny like phong was falling asleep.. so was i.. not to say the sleep at one am gerard ... phy too was drained.. oh man and we managed to talk to 11 los.. hahas.. wat wonderful working condition our mouths are. heh heh.
tired tired tired. ai qing mo fa shi is really good:) the plot is different form the normal shor short fantasies... at least all the leads have got a partner in the end.. heh heh.. hmm.. love paths in shows all seem tough an heart wrenching ah... kinda scarey if it really occurs oh man.. i got better things to think abt and do los... tsk tsk fantansies are not for moi:)
natty.. i miss choir:( i miss singing... but stopping choir practices REALLY took ALOT of burden off my shoulders. at least i can breathe now.. dun worry i'll join u guys real soon k:) take care:)
1:22 AM
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
oh no oh no ooooohhh nooo.. i'm in deep trouble.
9th of august 2006... wat am i doing?! wat am i doing wat am i doing?!
i'm watching tv wasting my life away. mock exam is like in 2 days time.
the irritating but real and very scarey very scarey feeling is creeping up me again.
i dislike it. i really hate it.
oh man. like shit- a thousand times.
a random jump.
when can i find some one i really really have no qualms abt letting the person see me as for i really am. w/o needing me to restrain watever i want to say.
yuck. life sucks.
8:10 PM
the rubbish we did yesterday.:)
8:10 PM
Monday, August 07, 2006
hehe. hehe. i did a very bad thing today.. i made fun of phongsie hurhur.. sorry larz.. hehe
last thurs we had kai kai's bdae dinner... they were nice to me man.. i had a craving for fish&co... and .. they really went:)!! heh heh kai's bestie fren miss or is it mrs?? karen tan came :) saw her for the first time heh heh.. she said kai hadnt eaten fish since she watched finding nemo.. AHAHAHA.. such a 'love the fish' heart. heh heh.. corny watevr HURHUR.
hmmm... i;m bored now?!?!?!
OH HI ANGELINE if u are reading!!! hurhur... hehehe..u understand me ratehr well ahz.. sorry i just rushed off on sunday SORRY! really i feel really bad towards u actualy.. i cant believe i lost my temper.. it was really horrible for me.. but u noe la. how bloody fustrated one can get when she's feeling warm and feeling irritated by the bloody freaking irriating shit math problems. ARGH! why is math so shit?!!! oh man! thanks for not scolding me for losing my temper... i really appreciated ur understanding... and I AM SURE U NOE WATEVER I SAID WAS DEFINITELY NOT DIRECTED AT ANY OF UR ACTIONS ALRIGHT!! i'll try try my very very best to control in front of u next time k...
i'm like damn horrible only a sense and pinch of guilt would make me try to change hehe.
i have horrible chers in school.. hehe if u can figure who is/are cher(s)...
9:56 PM
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
hmm.. i went to schl feeling like shit.
hmm.. i went to shl feeling tired.
hmm.. i went for recess feeling ok las..
hmm.. i went to say hi.. i felt akward.
i really shldnt have said or expressed anythng unhappy man .
sorry phong.. it's my fault k.. hope we can be back to haha pple.
maybe i was over stressed over everyone mugging and i'm not..
maybe it's pms..
i really am glad for u that u and weiqin are still holding on to ur frenship.
argh!!! why do i always spout nonsense before thinking what will happen..
arghhhahhhhhhh
pe was like omg..
my timing for 2.4 is like gross hhaha.. i wanted to pee so much when i was running..
den i finally went to pee
and den when i return to hear mr. tay talk ah..
i so felt like puking.. urgh.. yuck...
den all of a sudden everything started to spin spin spin spin.. things started to turn real dark and bright dark and bright dark and bright...
freaky man..
cldnt take it went to sit down and.. puked.. yuck.. urgh huihui so gross.. hahha.. dunno what's wrong with me las.. must be too fat hhhaha.. poor knees haha...
STUDYING SUCKS!
yeah .. my new partner is Ann!!:) ann gomes.. hurhur
5:26 PM