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Friday, June 30, 2006

I love you.


7:06 PM


Thursday, June 29, 2006

haiz.. another disappointing day... like wat the... today's math paper was even worse den chem... like i never ever felt that i am so gonna fail a math paper... i never failed any math exam.. not even last year.. why now.. whay does failure have to come now.. this is so much worse den o levels at least during no levels my standard was picking up by mid yrs!!

i so totally cant see myself in uni.. haha.. i think i'll just rot and die.. i dont see a future.. my god... yaya here i am complaining yet i'm still on the com.. haha ironic eh?.. this is wat happens when i dont bloody hell get disciplined... wat the ~~ maybe the dream is really true.. someone brought me to my standard in prischl... but i refuse to climb up the cliff myself to a higher level.. i'm just a coward.. afraid to fall. maybe i'm just destined to be a useless person bumming around everyday, wasting my parents and the countrys resources... dunno wat i'm doing here, in this place in this world.

AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHH


7:11 PM


Tuesday, June 27, 2006

oh man... today i found out i've got a new idol!! aren't i old enuf already??? like hahha.. who is this person?... NOPE it's not ruan jing tian...it's kangta.. hahha so weird likinga k pop star haha... he sho sweet and generous.. of cuz must like him larz!!! hahha... never mind. i doubt most of u will noe him... erns.. maybe aud will.. hahah... neh mind lars...

isn't now supposed to be exam times. i'm totally like still in holidays.. watch tv until nobody's business.. shit man..
anyway i want to thank dawn and aud.. yesterday's post... ern.. yup.. i was feeling knida stress becuz of the bloody darn chemistry paper.. a lil upset too.. so i wrote such an entry.. but most imptly is for u all to know that dont think of "what-ifs" becuz.. it does no good at all whether its good what ifs sad ones or irritating ones.. hhaa.. i hope u get my msg.. if u dont it'[s all right!!! huihui still loves u !!! hhahha. kk. like whatever...

oh haiz.. guess what someone popped into my mind today when i was watching tv... it's like so huh?! all of sudden kind.. i jus rmber like the scene when the person ask me something abt the person's relationship.. hahha i know this is so generalising. but heck la.. i cant say everything out here!!! wat if someone reads it???!! hahha.. thanks for reading!!

i really love writing stories man whether its chinese or english..!!:) so random eh me..

pink is really hard to read huh?! but that's my mood now:)


11:18 PM


Monday, June 26, 2006

Have we ever thought what if this didn't happen, what if i had done this?
Have we ever thought what if we didn't think of the what ifs?
Have we ever thought whether our what ifs have hurt somebody?
Have we ever thought of how many what ifs we had said?




Cheerful What ifs

What if my parents win 6 different lotteries tomorrow?
What if my dream jobs knock on my door tomorrow?
What if i found someone who loves me dearly?
What if i needn't study?
What if i scored straight 'A's?
What if i get into medical school?
What if i can tour around the world?
What if i can go prague?
What if i win the CCA achievement award?
What if i can lose ALL the fats and be skin and bones?
What if i can change all the discrimination about being fat?


What if i hadn't think of these what ifs?
I'll be happy.



Scarey What ifs

What if i meet with a terrorist attack like now?
What if i fly out of a bus?
What if i meet with a car accident?
What if the glass that i'm leaning on just gives away?
What if i roll down the stairs?
What if i lose my senses?
What if i fail to get married?
What if i fail to get a boyfriend?
What if i fail my exams?
What if i fall sick and dont wake up?
What if my family and friends leave me?


What if i hadn't think of these what ifs?
I'll be happy.



Sad What ifs

What if i have talked to grandma more?
What if i had taken the IC back?
What if i just didn't go?
What if i flunked whatever i did?
What if i lose goals in life?
What if i lose hope in life?
What if i made more friends?
What if i wasn't so bad tempered?
What if i could accept criticism?
What if i could accept mockery?
What if i had a true childhood friend?


What if i hadn't think of these what ifs?
I'll be happy.



I cant say that i have not stepped out of shadows and regrets of my life. BECAUSE i believe that only with sorrows, shadows, anger, fustrations, regrets, we'll know when are the true happy moments and when... are just moments of superficial thrill moments. I won't say encouraging words like 'You can do it i know you can!' here. because this is where i'm gonna let, whatever i find hard to say, out here. When i can't do it, i can't i know where i stand- very clearly.

What if i had the courage?
What if i hadn't said everything out?
What if you are irritated by my emo-ness?
What if i told you i didn't care....

What if i told you DO care?
What if i told you i'm just tired?

What if i told i'm real thankful that you finished reading this entry?

Thank you- Very much.


8:53 PM


Friday, June 23, 2006

hehe.. shit i think i was sort in deepression when i wrote those previous post dman darn emo! crazy one la... moodswing like siao... crazy huihui crazy cow.. whoo hoo literary device eh... adjective and noun same alphabet HAHAHA SUPER HIGH

RUAN JING TIAN DARN CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i officially declare him better looking with a better 'atmosphere' around him as compared to ZHENG YUAN CHANG!!

AIYA both also so darn good looking..

my god how can anyone in this world be that cute???!!!!!!!!!!! shit man... his height, his body build face mhis voice his acting his speech aLL 100% MY GOD total perfection!!!!!!!!!

i was so excited abt him that i called audddddie abt him.. i was soo supa random.. i think aud just totally got a shock kind hahaha... now we both are talking online cheekoing all the new artistes tht have entered the silver screen of taiwna... my god.,. hua chi eh... hahaha..

oh and know wat i have this bad feeling that ma doesn't noe that my exam is next week... she like asked me to pack my bag today for next week school reopen.. exam eh pack wat??.. shit i feel bad and guilty how hoiw i dun noe how to tell her?... OK SET! i'm GOING TO CALL HER NOW!

I BOUGHT A PUMA SLING BAG YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!


4:00 PM


Tuesday, June 20, 2006

heh heh super like shit feeling when i woke up this morning... why?! cuz i also just slept morning at SIX in the morning.. haha.. was watching vcd larz..
die already la.. like next week is exams and yet i'm doing like trash everyday... oh oh talking abt the show.. korean drama... not the normal soppy kind.. the ending was shocking.. like damn shocking. the last scene is still stuck in my head!!!... i mean which korean drama do u see one lead killing the other two leads den kill himself with a very 'sinister' sunset (black and red) in his background eh??.. Bbbrrrrrrr.. sends chills down my spine... like oh my gosh... seriously!! heheh... retarded ya?.. like how old already still getting too engrossed with the contents in drama.... heh.. heh.. bad for mental AND physical health... hurhur... my parent din noe i watched till 6AM:) so exciting.. had a neck ache though..


11:31 PM


Saturday, June 17, 2006

oh my god i'm so totally screwed!!! AHAHAHAHHHH... i just remebered i've a play book that i've not returned to the bloddy library... or whther i return alreayd i really cant rmber shit las! and i totally forgot to but my dad's present argh!!1 and i haven started math revision... and haven started bio rev!! argh..

ohoh.. i think like i'm quite morbid like phong... i mean like who would sit at the back of the bus and all of a sudden have an image in the mind that the bus is flipping over and all her stuff from her unzipped bag flies out... my gosh.. kinda scarey though... freaks me out..


11:15 PM


Friday, June 16, 2006

hmm... i seem to be over excited with my new blog... hurhur so country bumpkin.. who cares la haha.. err.. actually i myself do la.. this is the so called peer pressure..:(

disppointment in what.. in myself... it has been eighteen yrs... eighteen yrs of a life.. i've not accomplished any thing like totally nothing! make some one laugh? stand there and let pple laugh at and be happy? isn't that bad right actually?... becuz like it is a good thing to make people laugh right?.. but it kinda hurts when someone whom i so respect as an elder and i so thought that the person would never look at me as clown actually laughed at me..running down the stairs... the person now although seem not as fierce as he used to be... but i'm really really really not sure whether to be glad of this change or to be ... sad that my efforts to prove that although playful at times but i still can get things done seriously and up to standard has actually gone down the drain. i really really really want to prove to this respected person of mine that i'm capable and that although io'm not talented or trained in his professional arena but... i still do have abilties there to be tapped... all of a sudden my confidence level has reached a new low... WHATEVER WTH WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i HATE THIS FEELING!!!! i never ever had it in SCGS!!! why now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


11:34 PM

hurhur.. yesterday i was in a damn down mood.. why?.. pms?.. maybe? but how can it be... it's not time yet hurhur... spoke aa whole lot of rubbish on mtv blog... damn retarded... charmaine's call woke me up.. realised that there are still people whoneeds my help.. at least i've got that use now..

supposed to go to dawn's bdae celebration... but din go... feeling damn bad.. raining ah... damn shitty feeling so ya.. feel kinda bad,... neva mind dawn! i'll get u a great present k?! haha i'm like a cuckoo toking to myslef in the mirror.. so idoitic.. haven gotten use to the feeling of writing blogs... hurhur... spastic me.. spastic huihui....


1:51 PM


Thursday, June 15, 2006

my god.. i lived like in the stone ages...so gross.. cheena tong tong ulu tong tong.. haha.. hurhur... MOI OWN BLOG HAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i took like damn bloody long to create one of my own.. too lazy larz... hurhur.. ok ok... its like how i jus joined frnester last yr... omg.. i'm damn spastic.. but wata do hui is just liek that!???!?!!! but i noe u all like right.. hur jhur*ego* i seem to be toking to myself supa spastic... hehehe


9:45 AM


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